Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how deeply our upbringing, culture, and self-perception influence our present. Many of our struggles—perfectionism, anxiety, or even feeling out of place—can often be traced back to these invisible forces shaping us from childhood.
我们登上的并非我们所选择的舞台，演出并非我们所选择的剧本.We don’t choose our starting point. Parents, school, and society hand us a blueprint for how to think, behave, and define success. Some people grow up with constant pressure to achieve, while others are raised in environments that encourage self-expression and risk-taking. These early experiences shape our core beliefs—ideas we hold about ourselves and the world, often without questioning them.
If you grew up in an environment where failure was unacceptable, you might internalize perfectionism.
If you were constantly compared to others, self-worth might feel conditional—only valid when you achieve something.
If your culture emphasized collectivism over individualism, personal desires might feel selfish, making decisions harder.
Asian cultures (and many others with strong traditional values) often emphasize duty, hierarchy, and stability over self-expression. This is a double-edged sword:
✅ It fosters discipline, responsibility, and strong family bonds.
❌ It can also create rigid expectations, where success is narrowly defined (grades, career, financial stability).
In contrast, Western cultures—especially in English-speaking and Protestant European countries—tend to prioritize self-expression, independence, and questioning authority. Neither is inherently better, but conflicts arise when someone raised in a more traditional setting starts questioning these values.
For example:
Wanting to change careers or take risks might feel like betraying expectations.
Prioritizing mental well-being over external success might seem selfish.
Expressing emotions openly might feel unnatural or weak.
The good news? Your beliefs are not fixed. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches that thoughts create emotions, and emotions shape behavior. By questioning negative core beliefs, you can reframe your self-perception and break free from limiting patterns.
For example:
Instead of “I must be perfect to be worthy,” try “I am valuable beyond my achievements.”
Instead of “I can’t fail, or I’ll disappoint everyone,” try “Failure is proof that I’m trying something worthwhile.”
Instead of “I must follow the safest path,” try “Exploring my own path is an act of self-respect.”
Defining Life Values: What Truly Matters? At some point, we have to decide: Whose values are we living by?
Are we chasing success defined by society, family, or our true selves?
Are we making choices based on fear or genuine desire?
Are we prioritizing what looks good externally or what feels right internally?
Finding inner peace comes not from external achievements but from aligning life with authentic values. Some people find it in creative work, relationships, impact, or even embracing uncertainty. There’s no single right answer—only the one that resonates with you.
Final Thoughts
Culture and upbringing shape us, but they don’t have to define us forever. Recognizing the patterns, questioning them, and rewriting our own narrative is part of growth. The goal isn’t to reject where we came from but to integrate it with who we choose to become.
If free will means being completely uncaused by prior events, it probably doesn’t exist. But if it means acting based on your own reasoning, emotions, and desires (even if those are influenced by prior causes), then we can still meaningfully say we have free will.
The real question is: Do you need “ultimate” free will to feel like your choices matter?
Would love to hear from others—have you ever questioned the values you were raised with? What helped you redefine them?
